Posted On: June 8, 2006, 10:57 am CDT

Posted By: El Squid

So now it seems that the safety boffins want to take away any vestige of responsibility from cluelss drivers and blame mishaps on inanimate objects like cell phones. The drunk driver with three previous DUI convictions who hit my neighbor's parked car said in court that it was all the grocery store's fault for openly displaying beer in the beer aisle.

The soccer mom who ran me off the road on I-70 was in the process of leaning over to pick up a soccer ball that one of her nasty brats had thrown at her from the back seat of the minivan. She kind of forgot that she was hurtling along at 70 mph or so surrounded by traffic. Since the Squidmobile was not damaged and because she stopped to see if I was OK I had to forgive her.

Let's see if we can get a huge Federal grant to study the dangers of soccer balls in moving minivans. Then we can initiate a class action suit againts whoever makes soccer balls.