Posted On: February 19, 2007, 1:41 pm CST

Posted By: chad balaamaba

Jim Hood was surprised to find out a hurricane could cause so much damage; he was immediately surprised that what he had always called 'that windy storm thing' actually had a name...he immediately went into hiding, and like many people who get down, he started eating...Jim contacted his carrier (State Farm) and asked if they had information on carbohydrate and vitamin K; they said no, so he reported the flood loss to his Plymouth Reliant; later, Jim posted a letter on the local paper's website, offering hope to those in a similar situation. Jim's advice was valuable: "It was right after katrina, and after eating us out of house, home, and a couple refrigerator racks. My wife told me State Farm had called, but I couldn't find the phone under all the twinkie wrappers and McDonald's cartons on the floor; I figured who cares, I was too cheap to get flood coverage, the only thing covered was my 83 Plymouth Reliant, and most of the fish smell was out since it had drived; I could wait; others had more pressing needs. I was getting hungry again, so I went out for some snacks and necessities. The dogs were getting whiny as I hadn't fed them, so I was in Wal-Mart; I had one cart full of Sam's brand pizzas and muffins, and I had a second cart to load several large bags of PXXXXX dog chow and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had any dogs; I thought 'yeah lady, I just buy this stuff for fun'. But I tried to be polite, but she continued to pry, and I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting dog food diet again (brand name withheld, but one of the namebrands), although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. I opened the end of the bag and took out a handful and started eating the stuff. I was too hungover to taste anything, but it wasn't half bad. I embellished it abit and told her for meals, I sometimes pour beef broth over it and pretend it's roast beef with gravy. Continuing, I told the nosy twit I'd lost 50 pounds the last time I tried the diet, but I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my body and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. I was already on my second handful of nuggets, and a couple people behind me asked if they could try them and did. No one complained about the taste, and the tall guy even said it was pretty good; I even threw in a couple 'vote for Jim' bumper stickers...

Horrified, the lady asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me."

Now, back to that Reliant; never could get the smell out of the carpet...