My New Markets

August 20, 2012
Editor’s Note: This article originally appeared in Insurance Journal’s Satire Issue, August 20, 2012. The content in this issue is not real and is not to be taken seriously. It’s supposed to be humorous. Seriously.

Lazy Adult Children

Market Detail: Empty Nest Underwriters (www.mykidwontleave.com) has a program for parents with children ages 26-45 who won’t leave home. Empty Nest has specialized in dealing with this class for 30 years. The program has been proven to get the “child” out of the house in 30 days or less. Coverage includes: intervention by a team of crisis experts; on-the-job training program for child; cooking classes; and video game/computer addiction rehabilitation. Risk management for parents to prevent them from taking their former houseguests back is also provided.

Available limits: As needed
Carrier: EZ Living Agency
States: All States
Contact: Charles Childless at 555-999-9999 or at charles.childless@gethekidsout.com

Olympic Games Workers’ Comp

Market Detail: The Olympics only happen every four years, but their financial effects can be felt by companies for years later. Darwyn Award Assurance Co. (www.olympic
employerprotection.com) protects companies against losses from employees replicating Olympic events. The coverage is for claims arising from employee chair races, garbage can hockey, recycle bin basketball, balcony diving, parking lot relays, stairwell sprints, and swimming with the sharks. Darwyn also offers techniques for company management on holding supervised office Olympics and how to prevent injury during such events.

Available limits: Minimum $10, maximum $500 million
Carrier: Office Olympic Underwriters
States: All States
Contact: Oliver Olympian at oolympian@workhurts.com

Superhero Protection Plan

Market Detail: Protecting the Planet Agency (www.payforthismess.com) knows that saving the world is a messy business. So it offers the Superhero Protection Plan. Covers superheroes’ destruction of property when the good guys “take care” of the bad guys. Product features include broken windows, crushed cars, damaged iconic landmarks and the rebuilding of knocked down skyscrapers.
Coverage not available in the following big cities: New York, Los Angeles, Chicago or Miami.

Available limits: Maximum $10,000
Carrier: Allied Avenger Underwriters
States: All states
Contact: Customer Service at 555-Superheroes

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From This Issue

Insurance Journal Magazine August 20, 2012
August 20, 2012
Insurance Journal Magazine

Satire Issue (Funny stories, weird claims, reader submissions and wacky ad contest.)