Exclusive: Unreported Insurance Mergers

August 15, 2011
Editor’s Note: This article originally appeared in Insurance Journal’s Satire Issue, August 15, 2011. The content in this issue is not real and is not to be taken seriously. It’s supposed to be humorous. Seriously.

5 Insurers Become 1

Five well-known Midwest property/casualty insurers have agreed to merge into one that the public is sure to forget. Lackawanna Casualty, Wawanesa Mutual, West Wawanosh Mutual, Lanark Mutual and Mutual of Enumclaw recently agreed to join forces. The new company will be known as Lackawawawawalananumcla Insurance.

Church Insurance, State Farm

The boards of directors of State Farm Mutual of Illinois and Church Mutual Insurance of Wisconsin have approved the merger of the two to form Church and State Insurance. The firm will specialize in insurance for religious institutions, public entities and farms, along with personal lines coverages, although Ted Bust, CEO, State Farm, vowed there would be a strict separation between the lines of coverage and cross-selling would not be tolerated.

Baldwin & Lyons, Brotherhood Mutual

Baldwin & Lyons Inc., insurer for the motor carrier industry, announced its merger with Brotherhood Mutual Insurance Co., which specializes in churches and ministries. The companies, both based in Indiana, will operate under the name Baldwin Brothers Insurance Co. Stephen Baldwin, former actor and sometimes evangelist, brought the merger to fruition. “The new ministry motor coach policy is just what the Kingdom needs in this time of world turmoil,” he said.

Louisiana Underwriting Services, Texas Underwriters Inc.

LATEX Underwriters Inc. has been formed from the merger of insurance wholesalers Louisiana Underwriting Services and Texas Underwriters. The combined companies specialize in tire manufacturers and makers of other rubber products. The structure of the newly formed company is extremely elastic and will allow the company to expand into other niches without being stretched thin, the firms said.

Freemount Insurance, Auto Club

Two Michigan-based property/casualty insurers, Freemount and Auto Club, have merged. The new entity is named Free Auto Insurance. The company’s new slogan is: Don’t Let Insurance Costs Mount — Join the Free Auto Club. To avoid confusion, Free Auto adds a disclaimer noting that the coverage it offers is neither free nor limited to automobiles.

Holyoke Mutual, Accident Fund

In what analysts are calling a miracle transaction, two insurers with little in common have agreed to join forces. Regional carrier Holyoke Mutual Insurance of Chicopee, Mass., said it would become a holy owned subsidiary of workers’ compensation specialist Accident Fund Insurance Co. of America, based in Michigan. The new entity will be branded Holy Accident Insurance Fund. “I have been praying for just the right merger and this came to me when I was walking in the woods,” said Holyoke CEO Noah Angell.

Cincinnati Financial, Ohio Casualty, State Auto

Cincinnati Financial Corp., a holding company, has acquired both Ohio Casualty and State Auto. The newly acquired businesses will form a subsidiary operating under the corporate name of Cincinnati Ohio State Insurance. John Johnston, CEO, commented on the acquisitions, “We think this is a perfect match for the coverage needs of the university campus. Our new products are sure to catch the eye of the university student.”

Ranger Insurance, Main Street

Ranger Insurance, Main Street America Group, LAMMICO, Direct General, and Donegal Insurance recently merged to form RaMaLAMADingDong Insurance Group. The new company will operate in every state and every line of insurance through agents and is also developing an Internet sales system. “Our merged company can provide every line of insurance to any insured in the country,” said Ramalamadingdong CEO James Reynolds, former lead singer of The Edsels.

Lyons Companies, Tiger Insurance, Black Bear Agency, Ohmi Railroad

British car insurer Tiger Insurance has acquired two U.S. independent agencies: Lyons Companies, a Top 100 agency based in Delaware, and Black Bear Insurance Agency in Orlando, Florida. Tiger, which is owned by Japanese railroad conglomerate Ohmi Railway Co., said it intends to combine the agencies into a distribution force under the name of Lyons, Tigers & Bears, Ohmi. It will make its headquarters in Kansas. “This merger feels like a dream come true,” said Dorothy Toto, CEO, Tiger Insurance.

Other Merger Headlines:

Golden Bear, Arch Insurance Merge to Form Golden Arch Insurance

MGA Bliss Glennon Merges with Bloss Dillard to form Bliss Bloss

Lexington Insurance, Concord Insurance Form Lexington & Concord Insurance

Royal Insurance and Finger Lakes Fire Casualty Become Royal Finger Insurance

Sue Shock Insurance Agency in Arizona Partners with Awe Insurance of Illinois to Form Shock & Awe Insurance

The Insurance Journal Satire Issue! News that never happened. Features you won’t forget. Plus reader submissions, fake statistics, made-up mergers and lots more.For more from the Satire Issue, spit here.

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